One of the things I found useful for occasionally setting boundaries is “time out”, ie, shut her in your bathroom for about 5 min when she’s really bouncing off the walls. I wouldn’t use it as a more than once a day kind of thing, but sometimes communicating “this is too much, we are not playing right now and you can come out once you calm down a little” can reset the mood quite a bit. And it can give you a short breather when you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’d also recommend watching some old “My Cat from Hell” episodes, they have some very specific advice that can help out a ton! Jackson Galaxy is really a cat whisperer, and also talks quite a bit about the relationship between not only the humans and the cat, but also coaching the relationship between people as well. It’s important you and your fiancee are on the same page and work together.
He’s a cop, of course he knows how law enforcement will go through and find something incriminating