Seriously, though…ugh. I have to post these now for both stress relief and to not have them be in my recent files when someone grabs my laptop to “look something up real quick” like they don’t have a damn smartphone.
Edit: Re-uploaded to add “aunt who is only nice because she’s sucking up to grandma for the inheritance” who just texted she’s coming.
The answer to #4 is “Well then you don’t have to have any” and tbh #3 sounds like a self-fixing problem and the solution to all 4.
She’s the kind of person who always orders a salad because she thinks all salads are inherently healthy. But if it’s iceberg lettuce she will spend 10 minutes picking out any pieces that have white in them, and if it’s spinach she complains if there are stems. And I’ve sat there and watched her very literally flip through every single piece of lettuce to eat everything except the lettuce. Yes, she orders a salad and eats everything except the lettuce.