WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple sources confirmed.

“We learned a lot this time around. The most important takeaway from all of this is that we have to stay the course. In 2028 we plan to put forward the most disliked candidate yet. The primary process will probably be truncated, maybe we will skip it altogether. It all depends on what our biggest corporate donors want,” said DNC chair Jaime Harrison. “But we can’t do this without raising money. If you thought our fundraising efforts were annoying before, you haven’t seen anything yet. We also want to congratulate our friends in the Republican party, they played a great game and we can’t wait to work with them more.”

Lisa Fouts, a reluctant member of the Democrat party, is not sure what to do from here.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was supposed to be an easy win. Trump is a felon, a rapist, and he’s legitimately losing his mind. But no, the DNC fucked everything up at every level. They just assumed people would vote their way despite doing nothing for years, it makes me want to puke,” said Fouts. “The DNC already sent an email with the subject line ‘Shame On You’ and it said I didn’t send them enough money to get them to win. Then they sent a follow up email that called me a ‘spoiled child’ and then left me a voicemail saying they are going to kick my dog if I even consider looking into a third part candidate.”

Satire or real life? It’s honestly hard to tell the difference nowadays.

At least he gets to catch up on his sleep during court appearances eh?

The repressive elements of government upholding class relations die out in favor of the administration of things.

When did a communist government ever stop being repressive? It’s nice in theory n’ all.

Hard agree. All we get from the Democrats is more of the same economically and military, but with some feel good identity politics (i.e. that don’t in any way threaten corpos, just provide more markets) and socially progressive vibes. Still better than the alternative sure, but they are just sprinkling glitter on a turd to make it look appealing. There’s zero interest towards actually addressing social/financial inequality, reigning in the power of corpos, separating money from politics, or basically changing the economic status quo in any meaningful way. It’s a sad state of affairs, and absolutely no wonder leftists aren’t enthused to vote for Harris. It’s basically a vote for keeping things exactly as they are now, which is not what voters want at all. US politics is so corrupted by money now that a government of the people for the people is just a distant memory. And this talk of reforming the electoral college is just more window dressing, seems to me.

Wait until you hear about the semi-autonomous killer drone swarms, designed to prevent signal jamming (by not needing an operator).