I second the opinions for therapy.
I’ve struggled with porn addiction in the past, and I would say I still have to police myself to some degree.
However, after getting some therapy, I’m a lot better about not letting it affect my sex life.
I watch porn, but try to prioritize productive activities that build my relationship. If I watch porn instead of doing that some days, I don’t beat myself up over it. I just observe how it makes me feel, how it makes everyone around me feel (if I take too long getting ready in the morning, for instance).
I cannot stress enough how badly beating yourself up for relapsing keeps you in a negative cycle. It’s really awesome that you’ve identified an area of your life that you’d like to improve, but you don’t get there by focusing on what you don’t like.
Also read into urge surfing! It’s pretty simple. You just wait out your urges. It can be hard to do. But pretty much all urges follow the pattern of increasing in intensity until they reach a peak, then decreasing. So if you can wait through the peak of the urge, it will decrease.
My therapist specialized in addiction therapy, and they also gave me the advice to observe my feelings through every part of the day without judgement. So if you do beat up the bishop one day, try to stave off the shame and just observe. It really helps.
Instead of feeling bad for masturbating, I’ve noticed I get lethargic after I masturbate and that it can affect my perceptions of people depending on the content. This makes me want to forgo the activity much more than negative feelings. I’m aware of the actual consequences, I’m just not giving myself anxiety over it. This allows me to understand where I can fit the activity into the day if I choose to, as well as weigh the actual value and consequences of the action. And if the consequences aren’t worth it after you’ve observed them, you’ll have the knowledge and agency to shut down those urges and break free. Best of luck.
Name a more provocative piece