Imagine if a Biden lawyer has made that argument.

I love this for Xitter. Make it even worse, and fuck up the one piece of it that was sort of functional.

I use Opera on a Mac for all my Bing-based Edge-recommending needs.

They would vote for him again anyway. We need to get used to this: The only thing he could do that would stop them from supporting him is literally murdering them, and with their dying breaths, they’d whisper, “I probably did something to deserve it. MAGA!..”

I’d buy one for about tree-fiddy.

Hmmm. If 10 is average and 30 is world-class…

• Strength: 13. I’m a big and fairly muscular guy who goes to the gym regularly.
• Dexterity: 10 (+1). I’m not clumsy, but I’m no gymnast, either. Strictly average, all things considered. I give myself one bonus point on account of being ambidextrous.
• Constitution : 12. Again, regular at the gym. Should probably do more cardio, though.
• Intelligence: 15. I’m a software developer, I’m working on being bilingual, and I have a lot of varied interests. You’ll also note that I can spell and use punctuation properly, which is sadly outside the norm. I’m not bragging, I know I’m well above average in intelligence.
• Wisdom: 10. I’m not the stereotype of a book-smart-but-foolish person, but I’m also smart enough to know I’m not winning any hypothetical wisdom awards. I’ve made average amounts of boneheaded mistakes.
• Charisma: 12 (+1). I’m a better-than-average public speaker, and I have it on good authority (my wife) that I’m reasonably handsome. I also get the (completely unfair) tallness modifier.

All in all, my D&D stats would be pretty decent. Nothing anywhere near the peak of human potential, but not bad.

So, uhhh, just put of curiosity, any particular add-ons you’d suggest?

If they’re genuinely apologetic and recognize they made a terrible choice, then yes… Welcome back to reality.

invested in his crypto scheme bribed him

Fixed that.

Certains d’entre nous parlent un peu de français, alors pourquoi pas?

Actually, it expects them not to, so it can yell about how unfair that is, and the Trump cult will eat it up.

Okay, at first I literally did think this was an Onion headline, it’s so fucking idiotic.

Unlike a lot of people, I think the orange shit-head is more evil than stupid… But goddamn, he’s also incredibly stupid.

Concentration camps. Call them what they are.

The fire nation attacks!

Okay, I have a wife and kids, and can’t do anything that risks their existences, so how far back I go is limited.

The earliest I can safely go back is mid-2010, so that’s when I start.

For my first wish, I’m going to give the DA in New York incontrovertible evidence of the size and value of various properties in and around NYC as reported to banks for the purpose of securing loans, and as reported to state tax authorities for the purpose of determining taxation.

That should be enough to get Donald Trump indicted for tax fraud at a time when we still had a functioning judiciary, and before the red wave election in November.

For my next wish, I’m going to Twitter and giving them the easy ability to identify and block foreign disinformation agents on the platform. This is well before Twitter decided it liked the clicks Russian trolls bring. End result: The most widely used platform by Russian trolls is cut off to them, and Twitter execs have evidence of foreign interference efforts to give the feds early.

Finally, I’m zipping forward to 2012 and giving the two guys who tried to assassinate Putin some better planning, opsec, and training. Couldn’t hurt.

You’re welcome, everyone!

We’re pretty stupid over here right now. Sorry, world.

It’s old, but… I’ll allow it.

Also…

Dingdong. Willy. Johnson. One-eyed sailor. Trouser snake.

Now it’s your turn.

Here’s one!

The Alex Jones one actually gave me a good “That’s pretty Onion-y” hit.

Yes, but if you report them, I find them faster.