laurel

I have struggled hard with this throughout my whole life — and probably always will to an extent lol. But what has brought the most meaningful change for me has been learning to accept my challenging emotions as part of who I am.

It surprised me to realize a great deal of the chaos I was always kicking up was largely due to my own resistance towards experiencing my emotions. I found DBT extremely helpful as well, offering me tools for being present with my emotions — as well as techniques for determining the actual reason for the emotion.

One of the most useful things I heard was “every behaviour meets a need”. So regardless of where it’s coming from or why, it’s still a valid need and you will address it one way or another. The more tools I have, the more choice I have, and the more choice I have makes all of it so much easier (and even fun) to manage.

A cop responding to a DV incident at my apartment told me privately that “statistically speaking, this guy is far more likely to murder you than ever follow through on any of the changes he keeps promising you.” I’m still here, haven’t spoken to that guy in years, and I never deal with cops anymore.