Ok nerds, shut your goddamn months and listen up. This is how it goes.
It’s a Star Trek episode, cause no one left at Disney is clever enough to do this.
The Enterprise (who else) comes upon a transwarp tachion triangularity. Which Enterprise? I’ll get there. A ship, over 19 kilometers long, exits the thingo. A scan reveals that the weapons, although many, are paltry in strength. In fact the greatest threat to the Enterprise is straight up ramming the ships together, due to the incredible mass of the Super Star Destroyer.
Picard (you’re goddamn right) hails the ship, and Vader responds. They do the typical back and forth you’d expect, similar to the posturing of early TNG Romulan encounters. Because of Diabolus ex Machina, oh, sorry, the dark side, the Enterprise is crippled and all tactical advantage is lost. It takes about twenty minutes of tense music and two commercial breaks for Geordi to pull a counter Deus ex Machina out of his ass. There’s a brief salvo of blasters and photon torpedos, expending the last of the episode’s SFX budget. The Star Destroyer is forced back into the plot device. The last thing heard is Vader’s heavy breathing over the comms.
Both Riker and Troi have erections.
Picard somberly exits to the ready room to stare wistfully into space, as slow orchestral music plays in the background. As the credits roll, the music fades, and Darth Vader’s breathing is again heard.
Ok nerds, shut your goddamn months and listen up. This is how it goes.
It’s a Star Trek episode, cause no one left at Disney is clever enough to do this.
The Enterprise (who else) comes upon a transwarp tachion triangularity. Which Enterprise? I’ll get there. A ship, over 19 kilometers long, exits the thingo. A scan reveals that the weapons, although many, are paltry in strength. In fact the greatest threat to the Enterprise is straight up ramming the ships together, due to the incredible mass of the Super Star Destroyer.
Picard (you’re goddamn right) hails the ship, and Vader responds. They do the typical back and forth you’d expect, similar to the posturing of early TNG Romulan encounters. Because of Diabolus ex Machina, oh, sorry, the dark side, the Enterprise is crippled and all tactical advantage is lost. It takes about twenty minutes of tense music and two commercial breaks for Geordi to pull a counter Deus ex Machina out of his ass. There’s a brief salvo of blasters and photon torpedos, expending the last of the episode’s SFX budget. The Star Destroyer is forced back into the plot device. The last thing heard is Vader’s heavy breathing over the comms.
Both Riker and Troi have erections.
Picard somberly exits to the ready room to stare wistfully into space, as slow orchestral music plays in the background. As the credits roll, the music fades, and Darth Vader’s breathing is again heard.
Off screen, Riker changes his pants
ah yes, here’s how we know it’s genuine fan fiction, none of that “extended universe” generic stuff.
After all that heavy breathing something is extended
Sounds about right
This is my favorite version of this encounter. Well done!