• JackbyDev@programming.dev
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    35
    arrow-down
    17
    ·
    9 hours ago

    When you say things like “some women can’t resist assholes” it sounds like red pill rhetoric. A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

    • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      22
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      7 hours ago

      A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

      idk I think that’s needlessly condescending to women, not all of them dating assholes are victims, some just like assholes because they like asshole behavior because they’re also an asshole.

    • loudwhisper@infosec.pub
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      11
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      7 hours ago

      This also takes away agency from people. In fact, I am sure that there would be a way to diagnose every single relationship ever as a form of abuse in which someone takes advantage of someone else’s something.

      Adults are responsible for their choices, and particularly in the case of “assholes”, that is often associated with being assertive, dismissive and some people just like that kind of “I am the main character” features. Maybe there are even some deep rooted evolutionary reasons for that, I don’t know. Anyway, painting anything as victim-oppressor dichotomy IMHO is nonsense.

    • Jax@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      31
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      edit-2
      9 hours ago

      When you say things like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities” it’s incredibly condescending, especially when you consider that women can also be assholes.

      Like begets like. I’ve known too many couples where both of the people in the relationship are trash.

      • RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        4 hours ago

        The amount of tone policing here is fantastic, everyone is finding something problematic about what is being said even though the actual effect is mostly agreed on

    • toofpic@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      7 hours ago

      I keep the focus where I want, that doesn’t change the asshole-victim situation, and I won’t save anyone if I change the wording.

    • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      6 hours ago

      It’s not just preying on their insecurities. Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone will let you into their pants just for calling them a worthless piece of shit or something. The women in question must have some deeper issues. Because I also have a friend who demonstrated to me how you can just go on Tinder and write horrible shit to women and get surprisingly good results.