I’ve pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can’t stay on my current trajectory. It’s already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I’m tired of dating on hard mode. I’m worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who’s been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I’m really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I’m gonna say this and it’s gonna sound harsh but it’s not meant to be: You need therapy. Therapy saves lives and it’s way easier to speak to a stranger about things that make you feel guilty like this. Admitting you need help is the first step, getting the help, the second, doing the work the third. And I’m gonna be honest, it’s gonna suck, it’s not gonna be easy but it’s gonna make things better and you’re gonna grow through it.
I don’t disagree but that simply doesn’t feel like a realistic option for me. It’s either way too expensive or too hard to get into.
Find groups then. It’s not exactly the same, but 12 step groups are an excellent, free option. Honestly a great addiction recovery plan often includes both individual and group work.
My other half had a very good experience with TalkSpace, which accepts our insurance.
Unless you’re in the Republican medicaid-obamacare gap, you should have insurance and they should have at least some mental health coverage. And if you are or they don’t, a professional stranger via an online service is definitely something you should look into.
I’m not from the US. My health insurance doesn’t cover therapy and the one covered by our “free” healthcare is excremely difficult to get into.
My insurance (US) doesn’t have any mental health coverage and I am not under Medicaid/Medicare/Obamacare. Seems to be common enough. I have an HSA bank account, but it gets rapidly depleted from something like that.
As I said, it’s not easy. You can look up self therapy in the meantime but if you want to change and feel better, you gotta take the steps and that may be putting yourself on a list for free help.
+1 on therapy. Also others are posting about moderation. I would avoid that trap; if we could moderate we wouldn’t be losing control.