I’ve been thinking about this sense of being different from the average person. As if there’s this majority of people who, broadly speaking, form a fairly homogenous group - people who fit together naturally and for whom society is basically designed. And then there’s this smaller group who just don’t quite fit in. It’s like there’s this game we’re all supposed to be playing together, but some of us either aren’t that into the game or want to play it differently.
It’s easy to slip into that “everyone else is an NPC” kind of thinking, but maybe it’s just the result of comparing our inner experience to our external observations of others. It’s tempting to assume that someone with a spouse, a corporate job, a mortgage, a station wagon, a dog, and two and half kids is just living out a script - doing what’s expected - rather than living intentionally. But who’s to say they’re not struggling with the same existential questions as I am?
I think about my parents - about as normal as people get - and I recently asked if they feel normal. They said yes. When I mentioned my lifelong sense of being an outsider, my mom told me that she and my sister had once talked about something I’d done, and my sister had commented, “He’s so weird.” Strangely, that was comforting to hear. It’s not that I see being different as a bad thing - it’s more about that unanswerable question of whether I truly am different, or if I’ve just always felt that way.
“Everyone else is an NPC” is one of the most childish things to assume. It shows a severe lack of emotional intelligence and maturity. Everyone is doing what is expected from them. But not I. I am living the dream! Playing video games 24/7 and wanking to hentai.
Not that there is anything wrong with playing video games all the time or wanking like a champ. That sounds pretty cool tbh. But the problem arises when you put a barrier between the me and them. A very central thing to learn growing up is the same beauty, pain, ugliness and happiness you find in yourself can be found in other people too. Their daily life is as colourful as yours maybe even more so. I think this trap is something that creeps into many young people who mostly live their life’s online and try to justify their social shortcomings by making up these weird and many times unfair standards.
I hope I don’t sound too harsh. To a degree I have been like that once I think? At least I had a strong tendency to that kind of mindset. So I know how that feels like. But I also know that a lot of that is just childish self deception.
That doesn’t mean I feel like a normal person at all. Fuck no. I hate big gatherings, loud places, loud people (fuck them in particular) and chaos in general. I either shut in or explode in rage. I am absolutely not made for other people or doing normal things like…idk talking about the weather or taxes or some shit.
Today I know that comes from me being balls deep on the spectrum and I appreciate everyone who is willing to drag me to these social events. Because even tho I feel stressed at times, the reality is: That’s the absolute exception. The worst case scenario almost never happens. And I end up being happy with friends and strangers alike.
When it comes to everything else: I have a job because I need to have one to exist, I happily live with my better half, but there are no children planed. Every milestone I set in my life I did so when I felt like that and I ended up doing so relatively late. “Screw social norms anyway.”, he said while knowing that living by these norms is totally ok, too. Gatekeeping happiness is for cunts anyway.
Sorry for rambling too much. What I’m trying to say is: Nobody cares. Do whatever you want. Be normal, or not.
I don’t see anyone in this thread making such claim.
I never said that. You mentioned it, I agreed with you and expanded on that thought. What’s the problem?