I don’t know very many trans people in real life, but it’s something that I wonder about whenever having an interaction on a personal level. I don’t mean this to sound invasive or creepy. It’s an honest question from a person who simultaneously wants you to feel as free and welcome as I can help you to feel living on the same planet as me, while also having absolutely no paradigm for what it feels like to be a transsexual person. Do you tend to appreciate it when someone comments positively on your looks or clothes, either with or without reference to the fact that it’s sometimes somewhat apparent that a transition occurred at some point, or do you prefer that it goes mostly ignored like it does most of the time for cis people? Does it feel like a patronizing participation medal, or kinda validating? On one hand, I know that if I complete a project, it feels good if someone comments on it without me pointing it out, and asks questions about how I did it, and I’m likewise happy to acknowledge the amount of work and bravery that a trans person has put into themselves, but you also have other stuff going on in your life, and I don’t want to make it weird by making you feel like that’s the only part of you that anyone notices.
For clarity: this is on the premise that it’s done with social awareness and tact. I don’t mean complimenting someone by saying “You really do look like a guy.” I’m more asking about something along the lines of “I like your dress. That’s awesome!” With the extra “that’s awesome.” part, being verbal shorthand for: it’s awesome that you’re being honest enough with yourself to wear it in public, and I respect it. Thoughts?
This is a good question, and unfortunately there’s not a consistently good answer. Partly because we’re diverse humans all experiencing our transitions and differently, and partly because it can be a touchy subject for some of us and a lot of us have had a lot of bad experiences around being noticed, which combined with not so great political environments can make a lot of us varying degrees of paranoid.
Some people (like myself) have no idea what to do with compliments period, so I wouldn’t know what to do with that kind of supportive compliment either. Others might love compliments, but are terrified of being clocked (someone else recognizing we’re trans when we’re trying not to be noticed as such) in public, either due to personal insecurity, or due to legitimate personal safety concerns. Others know they don’t pass as cis, but still don’t want it acknowledged. Others would appreciate the gesture. There’s just no simple “correct” way to go about it, you just kinda have to sus it out individually.
Most of the time, not saying anything you wouldn’t say more or less the same to a cis person is the safest bet, at least until you have any queue from the person in question that they’re open to recognition of their trans identity.