Former Trump campaign chairman and White House chief strategist Steve Bannon told his podcast viewers that Republicans should take Tuesday night’s losses to heart, saying: “The midterms start tonight, and the warning signs are flashing.” He observed that “Democrats just flipped two Georgia commissioners,” marking “their first statewide wins in 30 years.”
Far-right influencer Mike Cernovich (who spawned the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory) tweeted: “Ted Cruz and Mark Levin are walking Trump into impeachments and then prison. 2026 will be a blood bath.” MAGA podcaster Jack Posobiec likewise warned that “2026 will be worse if we don’t course-correct.”
Breaking News: President Trump has cracked under the pressure and is picking off Democrats with a sniper rifle from the White House roof.
As police and MAGA cheer him on.
When questioned about the apparently legal mass shooting, press secretary Leavitt responded bluntly “Your mother.”
Senator Chuck Schumer has commented that the leftmost portion of the party is responsible for pushing the president to take direct action, and both cautions moderation in the future and mentioned he is looking forward to reaching across the aisle in finding an agreeable number of dead Democrats.
In other news: are pancakes the new cigarettes? Researchers at Eggo institute seem to think so. Scared? Good, focus on that feeling. Dwell on it for the next few minutes. We’ll be back with more after a few ‘brief’ messages from our sponsors.