Take everything here with a grain of salt, I’m also trying to figure this stuff out…
A large part of having friends is being somebody other people want to be around.
A lot of our behaviors and coping mechanisms come from our parents. So if they’re lonely and have no friends, you should examine why that is, and try to change it in yourself.
A lot of stoicism and “masculinity” are actually highly hostile to having relationships, too. Being too cool, judging, offering opinions at certain times, etc. It’s not your fault you were raised this way, but unfortunately it does fall to your shoulders to fix it if you even want to.
You really have to put out a lot more than you think, because what you think is wrong and why you’re lonely.
“The party [REALLY doesn’t start until you] walk in.” - tiktok, kesha. Or in this case, the finding of people doesn’t start until you do it; the relationships don’t start until you build them; etc.
Relationships are two-way streets and require some work.
Also, people need to be okay with being fucking weird and vulnerable more.
A lot of our behaviors and coping mechanisms come from our parents. So if they’re lonely and have no friends, you should examine why that is, and try to change it in yourself.
One of my friends realized after therapy they had a lot of behaviors from their dad. Stuff they hated when their dad did (lashing out when uncomfortable, mostly). Once they saw it, they were able to work on it. Before that, it had been a real source of friction with friendships.
Self awareness and vision and commitment to improvement is true execution of empowerment. That’s wonderful. We all have flaws and weaknesses, and working on them is most often the only way to get better. It isn’t magic at all, but rather hard, deliberate work and the application of resources. It isn’t always an option, but when it is, and you can, and you do make progress, it’s truly fantastic and worth celebrating, as weird as that may seem.
Take everything here with a grain of salt, I’m also trying to figure this stuff out…
A large part of having friends is being somebody other people want to be around.
A lot of our behaviors and coping mechanisms come from our parents. So if they’re lonely and have no friends, you should examine why that is, and try to change it in yourself.
A lot of stoicism and “masculinity” are actually highly hostile to having relationships, too. Being too cool, judging, offering opinions at certain times, etc. It’s not your fault you were raised this way, but unfortunately it does fall to your shoulders to fix it if you even want to.
You really have to put out a lot more than you think, because what you think is wrong and why you’re lonely.
“The party [REALLY doesn’t start until you] walk in.” - tiktok, kesha. Or in this case, the finding of people doesn’t start until you do it; the relationships don’t start until you build them; etc.
Relationships are two-way streets and require some work.
Also, people need to be okay with being fucking weird and vulnerable more.
One of my friends realized after therapy they had a lot of behaviors from their dad. Stuff they hated when their dad did (lashing out when uncomfortable, mostly). Once they saw it, they were able to work on it. Before that, it had been a real source of friction with friendships.
Self awareness and vision and commitment to improvement is true execution of empowerment. That’s wonderful. We all have flaws and weaknesses, and working on them is most often the only way to get better. It isn’t magic at all, but rather hard, deliberate work and the application of resources. It isn’t always an option, but when it is, and you can, and you do make progress, it’s truly fantastic and worth celebrating, as weird as that may seem.