Based on the fact that you came to Lemmy for relationship advice, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re a huge dork. Fear not, I was once also a huge dork. I still am, but now I’m a kinda hot dork with a hot dork wife. I’ll tell you how I did it.

I’ll break this up into a few sections:

-1. Be Attractive

Rule 1 & 2 reign supreme. Even that quiet nerd you have your eye on wants a relatively attractive partner.

First, basic hygiene. I don’t know if this is an issue for you, but it was for me. Fresh breath, clean hair, and no detectable BO go a long way.

Second, exercise. Compound lifts and cardio. You’ll build discipline, a more attractive physique, and stamina for the consequences of being in a relationship.

Third, style. T-shirts and flip flops aren’t very attractive. Invest in a couple nice button downs, a nice pair of jeans, and shoes that make you look like a grown up. Go to your barber and have an honest conversation about hairstyles that suit you.

-2. Be Sociable

First, learn how to talk to people. It’s a cliche, but Carnegie’s HtWFaIP is a great starting place if you have difficultly maintaining small talk. But the best thing you can do, ultimately, is getting low stakes practice talking to people. Chit chat with the cashier, compliment random strangers on shirts you like, go to bars and strike up conversations. Conversation is a skill even introverts can learn.

Second, learn how to be rejected gracefully. Not every conversation is going to pan out. Understand that a failed conversation is not the end of the world, and appreciate it for the brief social practice. Not everyone is going to vibe with you, and that’s okay. But if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never find the ones that do. Learn to be okay with striking out, or fizzling.

Third, try to be interesting. Learn about things that other people find interesting. You can go a long, long way just asking people questions and letting them talk, but knowing a little about the topic they’re taking about makes for better questions.

-3. Get Out There

Other people have touched on social hobbies, but it bears repeating. There’s not really a better way to find a partner than going to gatherings of people with similar interests. That’s where all the people who like the same stuff as you are.

Plus, the more you get out there, the better you’ll get at communicating.

It took me years to find my wife, but the journey developed me as a person, and I had a surprising amount of fun in the process.