This post is for seeking some advice on what’s the best route to try to help some friends get some of their offline lives back.
This year, a large percent of my friend group from my hometown have stopped interacting much with anyone outside of immediate family such as parents and work. Very noticeable for those that are under 30 (I’m 30) compared to those a few years older than me. For 3 of them that were pretty close, they still send memes and Instagram reels all day almost daily but never respond to any messages nor send any anymore. The only way to get them to do anything is to show up semi unannounced with tickets to go somewhere or with food to get them out of the endless scroll, and even then 2 of them will still scroll no matter what’s going on around them, even while driving.
Seeing the reels that get shared since the summer, nearly all of them are AI or extreme (not political, moreso like extreme overeating, extreme overpriced buying/unboxing videos or people fighting past what mma/ufc would allow type content). This seems to have led a few to being scared of the outside while a few others consider outside to be too boring now. When we do hang out I notice my algorithm is completely different than theirs with every reel scroll. We were all very tech focused coming our of school but I’m 1 of 2 that didn’t make it into a long term career, a couple of them have been on the AI hype train for a few years now.
Does this seem to be an ongoing trend for you? I know some people here have made mention over the time I’ve been on Lemmy but it’s gotten so apparent in my life these last 2 holidays trying to make plans and soon New Years of the change and the the first time in more than a decade we’re all within an hour of each other but majority of them are just socially MIA to do anything outside of scrolling on the couch laughing at nonexistent people and animals in reels. What’s worked for you to help combat this within your friends without giving up on them? The best thing I’ve been able to find has been the bar style arcades and laser tag that’s helped make that similar enjoyment while out of the house.
I’m in my late 50s and have been through a lot of shit, and one thing I can tell you is that people generally won’t change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying stuck where you are. Moreover, you can want something for someone else, and even if it would overwhelmingly make their life better, it’ll never happen unless they want it for themselves. People are creatures of habit, and those habits rarely change except when there is no other option.
So what do you do? Focus on something that you can change - your behavior. Understand that they make their own choices, and if they aren’t interested in doing things you’re interested in (going outside, socializing, etc.), you need to find people who are interested in those things and engage with them. Healthy people grow and change throughout their lifetime, and some people are less able to do that, so you can outgrow your friends. I’m not saying you should kick them to the curb, but rather understand and know their limitations, and budget your engagement accordingly. Relationships, including friendships, are necessarily a 2-way street. If someone won’t meet you halfway with effort to keep the relationship afloat, then you should consider why you’ve been propping things up and match their energy and see what happens. The phrase: “If he/she wanted to he/she would” is something to keep in mind. People communicate not only with their actions, but also with their inaction. Find people who appreciate you and the energy you bring by reciprocating it.
While it can be challenging to make new friends as an adult, it’s not that difficult. Learning a new skill or hobby can introduce you to a lot of people. For example, I recently started learning swing dancing, and suddenly have several new friends of both sexes, and a never-ending string of fun social dancing events to go to. It’s been a total game-changer for my social life, and I would highly recommend taking classes to learn whatever social dances are popular in your area (swing, salsa, etc.). Of course there are also meetup groups for almost every type of hobby or interest, so you can do something you’re interested in and meet like-minded people. Basically, just get out there and do what your want to do, and find people that also like to do the things you want to do.
Thanks for the advice. I’m working on the new friends for sure, I just hate seeing what this is doing to friends of close to 20 years. They enjoy the hangouts everytime but as another person was saying in their comment, they’re pretty much in an addiction, which I do have to view it as. Two of those friends have kids now, oldest being 5 and it rubs off on them with the iPads so part of why it’s still worth attempting to help in my eyes, they arent bad, just I guess dopamine gullible. I know I can only do so much on my end
I get where you’re coming from. I have family members lost to immersion in far-right propaganda that I now have almost no relationship with, and there is nothing I can do. It sucks.
If they matter so much, make the effort. But that mentality is a two way street. Be the change you want to see. Invite them out or go their homes if they have kids… But you need to initiate it in the beginning if you want to see it happen later from them.
People are comfortable in their ruts. You have to take the wheel and alter the course yourself if you want change.
Fabulous response. Just wanted to say.
Thank you. I like to share things I wish I knew when I was younger!