have you seen what white statesians eat? too many preservatives for the worms to want him.

i like the line of thought that judas was commanded to betray joshie boy, because he was the most diligent and faithful of the apostles.

St. Peter’s cross?

oh that’s pretty easy. i’m against genocide.

yeah i’m not much of a biblical scholar and that’s what i was leading with.

gotcha. i’d have phrased it weeds for the outside pollens, (i think it’d be less confusing) but i am inexpert. i’m sure there’s terminology i am unaware of.

No I’m… doesn’t!

illuminate your consciousness

see there’s your problem, you think i’m arguing with a brain but when i shake the water out my ears i hear rattling

i thought that was !potatosim@lemmy.world what do you mean there’s no !potatosim@lemmy.world

i put on my robe and wizard hat

i refuse to give my phone my thumbprint or do a face unlock. i’m not sure if it’s still collecting a biometric bullshit on my face, but i have not done it myself. I’m a luddite here and i insist on it so no one (especially no one trying to violate the united states 4th amendment) can get into my phone without my permission or hacking into it.

i never stopped

i feel morally justified in not watching a video about your moral justifications. here are two modern philosophers who discuss and back up my moral justification. and it’s shorter.

Elizabeth, i know you miss winter but it’s summer. let us get some fake snow so you can enjoy it.

i remember watching it go down. i got a call from a telemarketer, picked up, didn’t say hello just told them “dude turn on the news shit’s going down” and they hung up on me. my wife teaches littles, and i advised her to take the day off work as it was obvious to anyone paying attention to statesian politics that shit was going to happen. she said if anything happened it wouldn’t be here (we live in Podunk, California) and her students would need her to help them calm down depending on the size the tragedy. as always, she was more right than me.

weed as in ragweed or weed as in magic brownies? because they both would suck, but one would suck worse.

i live in an allergy basin. lots of wind, lots of crops year round since california. we get a week of mild allergies, 49 weeks of moderate allergies, and 14 non-consecutive days of bad allergies. i don’t know anyone not on prescription allergy meds.

and even with those half of us are panel four. one of these days my wife will start teaching children who know how to blow their noses, but like, the littles are so much fun despite being the finest disease vector man has invented

now that’s a memory. so on open mic sunday at one of the cults i used to attend (oh geez there’s a phrase) there was this old lady up there giving her monthly spiel. in this religious tradition, crying and tears = sincerity and “i swear i’m not making this up”. there’s some for which that’s true but a lot that exploit the language.

so this old lady is crying mid-speech, as is expected of her, and pretty soon she’s got a dangler. there are tissues up there, but i guess she’s either reached the age where she either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. by the gods we were paying more attention to her booger than we were to her, just waiting for that thing to snap or splat. well, it yo-yoed with every sniffle, and at the end of five excruciating minutes she snorked it all right back up.

now here’s the thing. i was just visiting that location that sunday. I do not know why no one grabbed her a tissue. that seemed it would be like the polite thing to do, but i was like 10. maybe no one liked her. maybe they were as hypnotically spellbound as i was. i don’t know. but like, if it were me i’d like someone to give me a tissue and let me have a little dignity rather than be a story everyone there remembers and tells the rest of their life. seems like it’d be the kind thing to do, and i guess i know what to do next time.

I NEVER SAID I WAS CLEVER wooosh