That makes sense. We both work, I go to office and he works from home, but both full time.

Why is she mostly responsible? My husband has higher standards for housework than I do, so I do more of the cooking and gardening, finances, we arrange the division of labor to accommodate our strengths.

To answer your question - your judgemental family is the problem, not your cleaning. I have my own (pretty loose) cleaning standards, they don’t apply to others. If someone invites me to their house, it would have to be pretty dirty before I might say something, and even then more because I might be worried about them.

We do kind of a lot of ongoing maintenance, run the Roomba twice a day and have help - we pay for every other week deep cleaning. But generally speaking yes there is cat hair and dust. We live in the world, the world is made of dirt.

Brunch and Tea not breakfast, lunch and supper. Fucking love eating at 4 pm. What the heck? I still have to make supper for everyone else on weekdays but those 9pm meals are not my preference anymore, on weekends it’s late breakfast and the teatime meal and that’s it.

Yeah as long as they can take it, they can dish it.

My thoughts - I am not about to police anyone’s desires, that’s not my job. Be as picky as you want, it’s a big world full of people, you will probably find someone. Just don’t get mad if the woman you want finds you don’t meet her standards. I’ve had guys turn me down for being tall, don’t care, better to know that even if I think it’s stupid, right?

I think my daughters were pickier than the boys, honestly. Not about $$ at all but more picky in general. The boys did more like I did, and their dad, just sort of get around and see what sticks, you might be surprised who you find hottest and most attractive.

I would be annoyed if a guy didn’t like that I work and take care of my looks and health, too. My husband is funny, he says I have raised his standards. Me, I got what I wanted, sex every day and a guy who works and makes money, works out, he’s not shredded at all but fit and padded, yes? He got what he wanted, I work and make money, shit at housekeeping but really good cook, I stay in shape and work out too. So some of what reads as picky can be more lifestyle matching. I would not be with a sedentary guy, certainly not at this point. I am older and not signing up for a 100% chance of taking physical care of some physically idle old man when he inevitably gets sick.

I thought marriage benefited men? Maybe guys who like to get around don’t want to be married, but they could marry a swinger, and still do that. Maybe they are loaded and want to keep it all?

But for two regular people in a heterosexual marriage, in general, men benefit more from the arrangement. Meaning both people do benefit - economy of scale, split work, but generally speaking men gain more than women, the split isn’t even in most cases.

My real guess is that it’s nostalgia for a situation they would not have even if they had not married. They misremember their youth.

If they just mean legal marriage and taxes they have a point. That can be cheaper if you stay unmarried, it depends. We pay more married than we did unmarried because we each were single parents, and our earnings are close to the same amount.

C and V are too close on the keyboard for CTRL-C to be copy & CTRL-V paste. I fuck this up at least a couple times a week.

Sure, but this is more just pointing out hypocrisy, the complaining is what I think they are getting at. He doesn’t think his standards are unreasonable only that women having the same standards is unreasonable.

Mayo and dill pickle relish (or chopped dill pickles and pickled jalapenos) is the best tartar sauce IMO.

Chipotle salsa - dump a can of chipotles en adobo into the food processor, press start, turn it off when they are smooth.

Black bean sauce. Dump a can of black beans in a pot with some of the chipotle salsa, heat them together, hit with immersion blender and then whisk in some sour cream.

If you have an abundance of basil (if you have a plant, you will have an abundance) pesto is easy.

Slightly more work but so easy and so good, sheet pan salsa, put tomatillos and fresh hot peppers on a sheet pan and broil them until soft and a little blackened, slide the whole mess into the food processor, season with salt, a little olive oil and vinegar and either cumin seeds or cilantro (you don’t need both), pulse until chopped up and combined.

I find vegan gravy so good for the amount of work too. Make a dark roux of oil and flour, mix soy sauce into water until it looks like diet coke for the broth, add it slowly into the hot roux while whisking, season with pepper, salt if needed, rosemary is good as are mushrooms, miso, but it’s plenty good on its own.

I do more than 40 most weeks and don’t burn out because I have help at home, take time to exercise, take my PTO.

I read once “more than 4 hours a day of work is not conducive to spiritual development” and think they have a point. My ideal workday really would be 4 hours. Probably noon to 4 so that I could manage to be productive.

Soft scrambled eggs for sure, if it’s just beaten eggs, salt and pepper.

Fried eggs over very easy #1

Soft scrambled eggs #2

Omlette is lovely IF it is filled, cheese, spinach, onion. If just eggs, no.

Streaming. Mostly YouTube music, some Bandcamp, all legal. Headphones at work, speakers at home. Favorites are many, old and new music, last couple of years it’s been Fontaines DC I think, they are just so good, sitting at the intersection of rock & punk & melodic with such awesomely poetic lyrics and the underlying thread of despair of all Irish music.

I knew two mathematicians, both worked at NASA. Met one coaching dance (side job) and one gymnastics (his retirement job). I’m not entirely sure what they did exactly, beyond “math”.

Do you want fancy beans? Rancho Gordo online has fancy beans. They are, as they say, the leguminati.

For canned I use the ones from whole foods or go to specific ethnic markets. Chinese chefs use some crazy preparations I don’t usually like - fermented black beans ok in small amounts, but no no to red bean ice cream or any sweet preparation. And big no to Japanese natto, what are they even thinking?

But middle eastern markets have good canned favas, and spanish and italian markets here have lots of brands that aren’t Goya.

Enjoyment is an important part of healthy eating, and I believe simply not overeating is at least 75% of healthy eating, so wouldn’t really worry about it that much.

The soup is in this thread higher up, hardly a recipe it’s so easy - I don’t really like squash or sweet potatoes but love that soup, all the toppings.

Oh! I remembered this one too, might be more tasty to you if you are into cooking, my family keeps asking for it, but it’s not a weeknight thing, have to pull out the blender. Sopa Tarasca, at the bottom of this link. I have made it with canned beans and tomatoes and it’s just as good.

https://www.npr.org/2009/11/04/120062592/foods-of-michoacan-are-forever

Have you tried roasted chickpeas (garbanzos)? Also there is a chickpea flour that is used in Indian food. Not that this would be enough to get you the 2 cups or anything, but they are some much different tasting/feeling preparations that you might like ok or enjoy. Also the pumpkin soup I posted - the puree hides in that soup, nobody thinks it’s beans, the pumpkin is so strong of flavor the beans just cut that so it’s good not ungodly sweet.

I can imagine not liking beans, they do have a specific, really lovely to me, smooth and thick texture. The flavor I can’t really imagine not liking all of them, they are pretty different from each other.

Plenty of other foods have fiber just not as efficient as beans, you would have to eat a lot more to hit that health target.

I like white rice, and make bread with 65% white flour. But foods with fiber are delicious.

Beans, so good so many ways.

Fruits - raspberries, dates, apples, peaches, pears, mango, pineapple.

Greens- cooked collards or mustard greens are so tasty, salads can be so good tasting.

Onions and garlic make a good start to many meals and have a specific sort of fiber that is very good for you.

I like oatmeal.

But again - the total fiber needed for health is in two cups of beans. Just throw them in anything. Put them on your white rice, in your white flour tortillas. Garbanzos into sausage soups. Cannelini into pasta dishes. Hummus and falafel with your lamb and white flour pitas.

I guess just by eating them a lot my body adjusted?

Though I think also, you know how different bodies have different strengths and weaknesses - digestion seems to be my body’s strength, the one place I don’t usually have issues. Like no trouble eating meat after 20 years of vegetarian food, even. It doesn’t care. It’s weaknesses lie elsewhere.

Beans are perfect.

Refried pinto beans we eat with breakfasts or in burritos.

Black beans from cans, reheated with some cumin, salt, pepper, vinegar or jalapeno brine. My family (except for me) prefers black beans above all others.

Bonus easy recipe - get a can of cannelini beans and a can of pureed butternut squash or pumpkin. Heat these together with some olive oil, curry or berbere, salt. When they are hot, hit it with an immersion blender until it’s a puree and adjust the consistency to your preference with chicken broth, veg broth, or just water is ok.
Serve with lime slices, pepitas, queso fresco if you have it or a splash of cream or sour cream can also be good.