Yeah I am often so shocked that people think the modern world is dangerous. Like, I guess, but crime where I live has dropped precipitously since I was a kid here, especially violent crime, so I always want to laugh when someone talks about a ‘rough neighborhood’ or worries I am walking somewhere. Crime has been dropping for the last 50 years!
The most dangerous place to go is the past.
I was a single mom of 4 when dating so was not open to dating childless men my age. Ended up with so many kids without having more, when we consolidated, but they all get along and as adults are happy for the network of siblings. They are much closer than I was with my brothers and sisters.
I absolutely would NOT have expected a childless man to be into me - it would have been an uphill battle to convince me. If I had been younger, maybe, but it seemed like anyone my age would have already had kids if they wanted some.
Oh yes. I call them by their names and they know their names.
I am very commute sensitive, won’t take a job too far away.
Other than that, I hate, hate, hate the unequal compensation the most. Too much money to the people at the top, and raises by % just make it worse.
I worked with a lady whose married name was Xu, she’d kept it when she divorced him. She was Laotian. (Really cool lady, grew up in refugee camp, married high roller Chinese guy, got t educated, when they divorced she moved to the US and was successful on her own). One day i forwarded her an email from a vendor, his name long and unpronounceable, and she looked at it and said, oh! That is the same as my maiden name! I could see why she kept the last name of the Chinese husband :)
Hand lotion, lip balm.
I buy my hair gel in liters when the price goes low enough, not when I need it, so have two or three liters sometimes.
Two dogs and two cats because people left them with us. I’d be good with one cat.
We have a road that goes under a bridge so that you can make a right to go east on a 4 lane road. People would sit at that corner waiting to go left and it caused massive backups. (Which made no sense, why go under the bridge then? Use a different corner and make a right to go west!). We asked the city to make it right turn only - they interpreted it slightly differently and thought we meant people were heading straight the wrong way up a one way, rather than turning to that corner, came and put a temporary sign. I went with one of my kids, wearing safety vests, and moved the temporary sign to the corner we wanted it at.
Later the city came and put the permanent sign where we had it, and ALSO changed the paint on the road to make it one way right at the corner and disallowed left turns INTO that corner, they just broadly said no left. Which is good. Nobody should be stopping at the bottom of a bridge to wait to make a left turn.
It’s not like NOBODY does the left anymore, but there are not backups now because nobody is going to sit there waiting to go left, they get honked at.
I have a 6 week wishlist for most smaller stuff, to avoid impulse buying. More like 6 months for something like a computer and 6 years for something like a home renovation.
I think if you’ve waited so long and still want the same thing it’s safe to say you really want it and will enjoy it.
Oh - another thing you can do - we have a savings account but also a “goal savings account” that is for things like this, specific items that cost sort of a lot (or a whole lot, for years now it’s been saving for a car for my husband.) Save the money away from the regular accounts so it is your extra money.
I was doing payroll recently for my work, and came across Harsh Harsh. I had to ask our HR lady, really? His last name was Harsh and his parents named him Harsh?
Well, no. She said his name was simply Harsh but our system required a last name so she repeated it.
Still, pretty harsh I think.
I wish you the best of luck!
Haven’t been fat but have been hugely pregnant and had to lose weight and even though people say you can’t outrun a diet, exercise has been the only thing that’s really made a difference for me. The more I exercise the less I weigh, the “out” part of calories in, calories out makes the bigger difference for my body.
Borns made some of the best indie pop on the radio, got in trouble for grooming, disappeared. One of the most heartbreaking losses musically for us. Then years later tried a comeback but seems to be an unrepentant whiny bitch now, the song he released was so bad. It seems to have broken him.
I still think his early stuff is so good.
Ender’s Game is a great book, and I did keep my Neil Gaiman books, the ones I already have.
I think in general (obviously there are exceptions) broken people make the greatest art, it’s hard to have that drive when you don’t have some sadness inside you, dissatisfaction, some missing part you are trying to fill. And with old guys (not Garrett Borns) they did grow up in a different time - I don’t think that excuses them, but it does explain it. My mom thought Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his 14 year old cousin was scandalous but wouldn’t have thought it criminal or really wrong.
Short stories.
Horror novels bring me down. Horror games too scary for me to deal with, the movies are either dumb or too, well, horrifying.
But short story horror is phenomenal. I have read every edition of “The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror” and holy crap short horror stories are some of the best writing I have ever encountered, ever.
Yes. I tried mangoes every year untill I liked them, avocado too. Raw tomatoes I keep trying, can tolerate, can’t like.
Last year I made a deal with my coworker, who is a wine person but such a picky eater he went to Japan and just ate chicken tenders, same in the middle east. I told him if he honestly tried eating new foods I would try wines. He found some foods he likes, and I found I like dry elegant white wines (nothing sweet) and most wines made of Nebbiolo grapes, like instead of just sort of holding my nose and tolerating them, I can affirmatively like them .
I truly believe a wide palate is a positive quality, I gave my kids lots of different tasting foods when they were little and that helped them to enjoy more flavors. I think technically I’m picky (have strong likes and dislikes) but like so, so many foods it’s not limiting. And yes, I do try to like some of the foods I don’t.
That makes sense. We both work, I go to office and he works from home, but both full time.
Why is she mostly responsible? My husband has higher standards for housework than I do, so I do more of the cooking and gardening, finances, we arrange the division of labor to accommodate our strengths.
To answer your question - your judgemental family is the problem, not your cleaning. I have my own (pretty loose) cleaning standards, they don’t apply to others. If someone invites me to their house, it would have to be pretty dirty before I might say something, and even then more because I might be worried about them.
We do kind of a lot of ongoing maintenance, run the Roomba twice a day and have help - we pay for every other week deep cleaning. But generally speaking yes there is cat hair and dust. We live in the world, the world is made of dirt.
Brunch and Tea not breakfast, lunch and supper. Fucking love eating at 4 pm. What the heck? I still have to make supper for everyone else on weekdays but those 9pm meals are not my preference anymore, on weekends it’s late breakfast and the teatime meal and that’s it.
Yeah as long as they can take it, they can dish it.
My thoughts - I am not about to police anyone’s desires, that’s not my job. Be as picky as you want, it’s a big world full of people, you will probably find someone. Just don’t get mad if the woman you want finds you don’t meet her standards. I’ve had guys turn me down for being tall, don’t care, better to know that even if I think it’s stupid, right?
I think my daughters were pickier than the boys, honestly. Not about $$ at all but more picky in general. The boys did more like I did, and their dad, just sort of get around and see what sticks, you might be surprised who you find hottest and most attractive.
I would be annoyed if a guy didn’t like that I work and take care of my looks and health, too. My husband is funny, he says I have raised his standards. Me, I got what I wanted, sex every day and a guy who works and makes money, works out, he’s not shredded at all but fit and padded, yes? He got what he wanted, I work and make money, shit at housekeeping but really good cook, I stay in shape and work out too. So some of what reads as picky can be more lifestyle matching. I would not be with a sedentary guy, certainly not at this point. I am older and not signing up for a 100% chance of taking physical care of some physically idle old man when he inevitably gets sick.
I thought marriage benefited men? Maybe guys who like to get around don’t want to be married, but they could marry a swinger, and still do that. Maybe they are loaded and want to keep it all?
But for two regular people in a heterosexual marriage, in general, men benefit more from the arrangement. Meaning both people do benefit - economy of scale, split work, but generally speaking men gain more than women, the split isn’t even in most cases.
My real guess is that it’s nostalgia for a situation they would not have even if they had not married. They misremember their youth.
If they just mean legal marriage and taxes they have a point. That can be cheaper if you stay unmarried, it depends. We pay more married than we did unmarried because we each were single parents, and our earnings are close to the same amount.
I don’t usually talk about my feelings (I am a woman) but people of all genders seem to feel comfortable confiding in me.
So maybe it’s not so much that men don’t express emotions, more that people in general don’t express them to men?
Or even more likely we are all different and it’s not so much a gender thing. As a stereotype I’ve heard it plenty but in practice it hasn’t seemed so. If I was being sexist I’d say men complain more about physical pain and women complain more openly about unhappiness, but I can’t say it’s a big difference IME.