DES MOINES, IA — Jessica Djukanovic, a conservative wrestling coach, mother of four, and loyal voter for the “Traditional Values and Strict Legislation Party,” is reportedly “shocked and appalled” to discover that the very laws she helped implement are currently treating her life as a secondary concern to a non-viable fetus.


“Welcome to Chez Leopard. For your culinary delight, Chef has prepared a filet of MAGA face, reverse seared in a Medoc sauce Bordelaise. Bon Appétit!”
served on a platter of pheasant on the glass, with chardonny