Female, mid 30s, looking for a man also in his 30s, looking for a long term relationship.

I hated online dating, but I felt like it was a bit of a necessary evil. Some of my friends had said to try it out because I “needed to find someone to stay in the country” (background: I was on a work visa at the time, and we always joked about it even though I made it clear I was 100% going to get citizenship on my own, not via someone else).

I used it for only about 3 months before I found my partner. He had a different experience - I think he said he was on and off for a year on Hinge, but also hated it. I tried different apps like Coffee Meets Bagel (catfished on my first connection, so I deleted it… Luckily, I found out before meeting him because one day, I saw his account was removed and a TOS violation message was in our chat. Also way too many weirdos and people I wasn’t interested in), Bumble (too anxious to make the first move), then free version of Hinge.

I found Hinge suited me best because of said anxiety, and I could change my location. (note: this was also during the covid years, and I lived in a small town where everyone knew each other. I was in Melbourne every weekend anyway, and I made it clear early to each connection where I lived, and they were all okay with it.) I had a lot of matches (I think females seem to get more matches), but because I’m picky and will run from any potential red flags, I only chatted with three people, met two, picked one. He’s still here 4 years later.

I think the biggest problem is that people are judged based on limited photos and prompts. Some of these “weird” or “red flag” people could have been the nicest guys, but just put up photos I didn’t like, had low effort answers (“just ask”, or cliche answers), or worded their answers in ways I interpreted as red flaggy. Much like a resume, I suppose. They could be the best fit, but someone else fit “better” on paper.

I’m not a fan of dating apps but I’m glad I did it because I found someone. If I didn’t, maybe I came away with learning a little more about myself and hating on dating apps more. My partner and I are a great fit, but if it weren’t for the app, we had nothing in common in terms of activities… We would never have crossed paths otherwise.

I really enjoyed reading the responses, so thanks for asking the question!