• toofpic@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    I had a goth friend who would always get laid without much trouble. At some point he got a normal job and had to “become a normie”, and I learned that it wasn’t because he was a goth, it was because he was a complete asshole with women, and some women, for some reason, can’t resist assholes.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      3 hours ago

      When you say things like “some women can’t resist assholes” it sounds like red pill rhetoric. A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

      • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
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        14 minutes ago

        It’s not just preying on their insecurities. Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone will let you into their pants just for calling them a worthless piece of shit or something. The women in question must have some deeper issues. Because I also have a friend who demonstrated to me how you can just go on Tinder and write horrible shit to women and get surprisingly good results.

      • toofpic@lemmy.world
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        1 hour ago

        I keep the focus where I want, that doesn’t change the asshole-victim situation, and I won’t save anyone if I change the wording.

      • loudwhisper@infosec.pub
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        40 minutes ago

        This also takes away agency from people. In fact, I am sure that there would be a way to diagnose every single relationship ever as a form of abuse in which someone takes advantage of someone else’s something.

        Adults are responsible for their choices, and particularly in the case of “assholes”, that is often associated with being assertive, dismissive and some people just like that kind of “I am the main character” features. Maybe there are even some deep rooted evolutionary reasons for that, I don’t know. Anyway, painting anything as victim-oppressor dichotomy IMHO is nonsense.

      • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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        2 hours ago

        A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.

        idk I think that’s needlessly condescending to women, not all of them dating assholes are victims, some just like assholes because they like asshole behavior because they’re also an asshole.

      • Jax@sh.itjust.works
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        3 hours ago

        When you say things like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities” it’s incredibly condescending, especially when you consider that women can also be assholes.

        Like begets like. I’ve known too many couples where both of the people in the relationship are trash.

      • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
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        3 hours ago

        implies confidence.

        nope. it implies a craven amount of insecurity.

        it says something though that so many people assume this, it’s certainly not just you.

        • blarghly@lemmy.world
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          32 minutes ago

          Whatever. It gives off the impression of confidence. We’re trying to explain observed phenomena here, not cast moral judgements.

        • toofpic@lemmy.world
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          1 hour ago

          In my case, you’re wrong, the guy is like a tank, insecurity is not the case. I see some people trying to “dig deeper”:

          • “maybe the women have insecurities, so it is them who are to blame”
          • “maybe the asshole is not an asshole, he just has a childhood trauma” No, he is a confident asshole, and his “charm” works one some women (and not each of them falls into made-up categories). People look for patterns too much. “I’m a red-piller” - lol, that’s a first.
            Note, I’m not protecting the guy, but he is not a comic-book villain with an origin story. He just happens to be successful in finding one-night stands because of a personal trait.
          • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
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            38 minutes ago

            the guy is like a tank

            a lot of people who over-invest on physical attributes have serious insecurities.

            I hold to my premise. it in no way discredits him being an asshole in his coping with these issues.

      • TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world
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        7 hours ago

        Certain women like asshole confidence. Typically the type to write “I’m a bitch, deal with it” in their bios

        • OhVenus_Baby@lemmy.ml
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          5 hours ago

          Damn I need to power off. I’m like how does anyone write in their BIOS? I’m pretty sure it’s just settings. 😅

        • blarghly@lemmy.world
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          7 hours ago

          I’ve known many women who were very nice and intelligent, who dated assholes. Usually they end the relationship thinking “ugh, why did I do that? That guy was such an asshole.”

          They do this because women are human, and do the very human thing of making mistakes and regretting them.