I can’t say, that kind of language isn’t appropriate for polite conversation.

“The time for The Old One to wake is upon us! The gates to R’lyeh quiver, the voices scream to be uncaged! Your hand is the key, the door to the other side awaits your touch! Beyond the threshold a new world hungers to devour this reality and bring forth all of time and space! It howls for you, answer the call, seize the destiny fate has hoisted upon you! Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”

You know, just normal stuff.

You did your best. Your best was just not good enough.

Be so for real right now, that wasn’t your best. You just tell yourself that so you can feel better. But you didn’t try, not as hard as you should or could have.

I’m pretty mean in here.

42 here. In my teens and 20s I had depression, so I told myself horrible things like “I’m only worth anything to ppl bc of my art” and “everyone’s worse off for having known me,” but I don’t think like that anymore. I’ve been trying to think for a few mins if I tell myself positive stuff now instead, but I don’t think I do, I just stopped telling myself garbage.

“I wanna go home.”

I’m not sure why, this phrase has become a mental tic of mine. It makes abosolutely no sense because there is no sense in which I am not home. I live in one of my childhood houses.

I’m not good, intelligent, interesting enough for anyone or anything.

Other people can be proud or confident. It’ll just make me arrogant.

As a tall bald white man, I scare everyone.

I need to have more normal interests.

I want to do more things I like, regardless.

I still haven’t made up for being a shitty kid/teenager, over 20 years later. Be more selfless.

Don’t ask for things, especially help.

I could go on.

Not much of anything, good or bad, at least I don’t think so. I’ve been on the float for some time.

“I am a good person.”

My Catholic upbringing really ingrained in me the idea that I’m a fundamentally bad person. Turns out, even if you deconvert, those thought patterns will still plague you. So I have to remind myself often that just because I’m not Catholic or who my parents would like me to be, that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.

It’s not for mixed company.

I’m not supposed to be here, but I am, so let’s bring some happiness to others.

How I see myself, in an image:

… It’s not pretty I’ll say that much. It’s pretty much a daily mantra of “you’re worthless. You’re pathetic. You’re an idiot. You’re living the life you deserve” deserve being: perpetually single, working in a factory, renting a garage “apartment.”

“Give up on being happy. It’s just a distraction. If you do not succeed you will be wretched. If you fail you will not survive.”

I want to be a better man, not a bitter man.

“I’m not lazy, I’m overwhelmed”, “everything’s safe and sound” and a lovely “just shut the fuck up” for the demanding parts of myself