I know opinions on this vary a lot depending on the country and culture, so I’m curious what others think. Personally, I have a 22-year-old son. I bought him a house and a car, I pay for his university tuition (his grades are high enough for a state-subsidized spot, but we feel that should go to someone more in need), and I basically support him fully. We want him to focus on his studies and enjoy this stage of his life. He will finish his dentistry degree in 2028, and then we plan to finance the opening of his private practice. We’ll stop providing financial support once he’s earning enough to live comfortably on his own. I see many parents online (especially in North America) talking about kids moving out at 18, paying rent to live at home, and covering their own bills, and it honestly shocks me. That feels unfathomable to me. I believe that as parents, we have a duty to give our children a good life since we brought them into this world.
It depends on the kid.
I’m one of three adult kids that our still-working parents have.
As someone who has accepted a lot of support from them, I feel extremely motivated to do something useful with that support.
But others might be inclined to freeload, and use that support to put off developing as a person. I think I’m a little guilty of that myself, but even in retrospect it’s hard to say whether that stuff was a well-needed break, or just lazyness.
That said, I’ve kept track of every cent my parents have floated for me, and I’ve started slowly reducing the number as I’m making enough to sometimes pay for things in their stead.
Obviously the passage of time has changed the value of the currency, and I’m sure my parents don’t care whether I “pay them back” as they never considered their support a loan. But it matters to me, and keeping the idea in my head that I have to pay them back, kept me from thinking of their support as “free money” since I always planned on returning it some day.
I also do pay rent. But it’s essentially symbolic. It’s an agreed upon arrangement, there to remind me that living space isn’t free. It’s not as though my mom would actually evict me if I genuinely couldn’t afford a payment, and if I did get hit with some surprise expense, I know my parents would immediately offer to share the burden.
Basically, we’re simulating what life would be like for me without them, but with the security of knowing that they’re there for me if needed.
But I also know people my age, where giving them money would be little more valuable than setting it on fire. People who are able to accept charity without it instilling any kind of motivation or inspiration.
Another thing to be careful of, is that financially supporting an adult might make them feel indebted in ways that make them lead miserable lives. If my parents had supported me with the expectation I become a doctor of any kind, combined with my depression, it may well have killed me.
My student years made me miserable, and it took me a long while to recover. But I was lucky enough to have parents that didn’t have carreer dreams for me. They only put pressure on to motivate me, when I expressed interest of my own, first.
So I think to a massive extent it’s between each parent and kid. Even my siblings don’t have identical arrangements with my parents.