Sorry if this is inappropriate to ask, I have morid curiosity and I need to know how parents feel.
Are you safe? Do you need help? I’ve ran across your posts from time to time and most of them are concerning to me.
I post the dark thoughts online so I can clear my mind of those thoughts, to “process” those thoughts.
I mean I wouldn’t dare say this to a therapist, I’d get involuntarily committed, which would just make me even more depressed.
Last time I asked this question to my mom, she got mad at me.
Sometimes being committed isn’t a bad thing. It’s not pleasant to think about, but the process exists for a reason.
It’s a permanent record. Makes it much harder to emigrate.
Oh damn. Apparently if you have mental problems you get trapped too. I’m sure that helps anxiety issues for sure.
Is your mom ever NOT mad at you? You should try to stop assuming that everyone is as unstable as her.
Its a very weird love-hate relationship.
Right now she tells me she loves me. (which according to the internet, is apparantly uncommon for Chinese parents?)
But if I mention suicidal feelings, oh shit that is like nuclear war.
So I just don’t talk about it anymore.
That’s the thing, its so taboo to talk about, society expects you to hide it.
If you talk to people about it, they will distance themselves from you and not wanna be your friend. Of if they are already your “friend”, you’re gonna be a burden, like emotionally, and so they would distamce themself from you, probably.
So these topics really just get buried and hidden away to some dark corner of the internet, here.
Right now she tells me she loves me. (which according to the internet, is apparantly uncommon for Chinese parents?)
But if I mention suicidal feelings, oh shit that is like nuclear war.
Yeah, most people want their kids to live. If the kid tells them they are considering dying, it’s reasonable for alarm bells to ring in the parents’ head and to behave irrationally in a panic state.
Honestly, I don’t know how I would react if one of my kids told me something like that. I obviously would want to prevent it, but I don’t think it would be an angry reaction. Mom might just not know how to deal with problems without fighting them aggressively.
I mean I wouldn’t dare say this to a therapist, I’d get involuntarily committed, which would just make me even more depressed.
Being involuntarily committed requires a present danger to yourself or others. Curiosity is not that. Talk to a therapist, it can really help.
(Also, for what it’s worth, being committed can really help. I spent a few days in a mental health ward and, while I wanted nothing more than to get out at the time, it ended up being very good for me. Unfortunately it also meant I started avoiding talking to a therapist, like you’re doing. I regret that result immensely, therapy is too useful.)
As a parent, I’d feel that I had failed on some fundamental level. That our kid reached a point where taking their own life was a more viable option than talking to me? Yeesh.
Knowing someone close in my family whose young son committed suicide (and being a parent myself), I can tell you that it destroys your world. You will replay all of the times you could have prevented it for years to come. You will doubt every interaction you had with them, playing out scenarios that never happened trying to unwind what went wrong. It tortures you. Tears you down. The journey afterward is bitter and you react different toward those who haven’t endured such a loss.
Basically, from what I observed, if fucking sucks more than anything and nobody should have to endure that. It’s not worth it to do that to your loved ones.
Hi! I’m in my 40’s. My dad is ten years passed, and my oldest brother died in a total freak accident. Before I was born. One of the last things my Dad said was “I’ll say hi to your brother for you.” My brother died right before Thanksgiving. We never celebrated Thanksgiving, not for my whole life. My mom still gets weepy at Thanksgiving almost 50 years later. This was an accidental death. I don’t think my parents would have survived a suicide. I had a co-worker at my last job, hadn’t seen him in maybe five years, we never hung out, random texts every now and then, not a part of my life. He just killed himself in November. I have spent the last month asking myself if I could have done something, if I had only known…
Suicide affects people you don’t even know! Hell, I found my co-worker irritating and immature, but I sincerely wish he had called or said something, I would never wish that level of despair on someone.
I have weird perspective i would be obviously very devastated, sad and heartbroken with ton of questions but in back of mind my mind i will remember “ Sometimes one’s pain is far to great to continue living.” the idea of them not being in pain offers some sort of tranquility/peace. I would never want my child to die by suicide , I hope they would find something to fix/ease pain but sometimes life doesn’t allow you to stop the pain you might feel. It’s deep and emotional thing to think about because their is so much questions to why . I myself struggle with suicidal ideation and thoughts during pain crisis episodes because it feels like my pelvis is being shattered and pain is absolutely unbearable that nothing touches pain , I feel so many things in that moment and my thinking becomes foggy /unclear . It brings you to a very dark place . I would like to think that everyone should live in world where they do not suffer and have correct options in terms of suffering from either mental or psychical pain . Sadly those who suffer tend to die by suicide because of system flaws and over flow , shame and deep frustration of suffering. The Mind can go dark really fast when their is no support or common understanding and when thoughts are to far gone . You can have someone say i love , encourage you through your struggle but if your pain far to great , it where you fear the most . I really do encourage people to get correct support and help before it consumes them. I think what you will get from this comment is their pain ,deep emotional aspect of losing someone to suicide with understanding to a possible why .
***** DISCLAIMER I WANT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND I DO NOT ENCOURAGE SUICIDE AND WANT PEOPLE TO GET HELP IF THEY ARE STRUGGLING. I HANDLE GRIEF AND THINKING DIFFERENTLY ***** IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING PLEASE CALL SOMEONE OR GO TO NEAREST HOSPITAL *****
I know you wanted the parents’ perspective, but this is something I struggle with regarding my own suicidality. There’s even a meme that people don’t kill themselves because “mom would be sad”
I often think of the family I’d be leaving behind. Mom would never understand. Dad would probably get it, but suicide has a funny way of being contagious and I’d worry it would push him over the edge. My wife says she’d hate me forever.
Grief is really fucking hard, and when people kill themselves the survivors play the blame game with themselves. Surviving your child is probably the most difficult thing a parent can do, and to torture yourself with the fantasy that you could have saved them seems like a special kind of hell.
When I’m at my lowest, it feels like bullshit. Like honestly, my life has been so terrible that I want to end it, and yet people will carry on like they’d be the victim if I did. Maybe if you blame yourself and think you could have helped me, you could do it while I’m alive and asking for help.
When I’m calmer I realize that nothing they could do probably would have helped. It still burns me up though - people talk about suicide like it’s the most selfish thing a person can do. When you’re already miserable it sure isn’t great being made to feel miserabler. It makes me feel like I deserve to suffer - and that means continuing to live.
Anyway, I’ve been suicidal for just about thirty years. I figure I’ll give it another thirty, by then I’ll have outlasted my parents. Plenty of time to find meaning before then
The question is horrifying enough to shut off all reason and make me want to disengage entirely with the question, if that answers your question.
Incidentally, it’s the reason that when more of the population were parents, movies never killed kids in the end; it doesn’t just shock, it shocks to a level that breaks immersion and suspension of disbelief— I don’t get scared, I think “oh, this is just a movie with actors and whatnot”. (Now parents are less of a majority, so studios are more willing to push this boundary.)
Kids die in the real world, you know? And not at all infrequently. I think our media should be at least somewhat representative of reality.
Media and stories are not the real world, and serve a different purpose. Again, it’s an immersion breaking thing— not because it’s not realistic, but because the fact that it IS realistic triggers people to an extent that it, again, breaks willing suspension of disbelief.
It’s totally valid that a child dying on-screen is triggering for you. I have PTSD, and that feeling of suspension of disbelief being broken is pretty much exactly what derealization feels like, except I get it about things happening in the real world, as well as in movies and TV shows.
With all of that said, I don’t really think you could say the percentage of parents can be said to be causative for how media depicts child death, it’s really more of a direct result of the Hays code - prior to the Hays code depictions of child death weren’t that rare. Child death was more common in those days too, I suppose. It was after the Hays code fell apart, i.e. the 70s where things started to move towards being more violent, and I think that was more likely caused by mainstream depictions of the Vietnam war on the news - and that was probably the decade with more parents than any other decade prior, given the fertility rate peaked in the 60s.
I would feel terrible guilt that I failed to prepare them to live in the world they were born into. I would accept the blame, fault and responsibility.
Terrible.
I would feel, that i failed make you come with your problems to me and we could find professional help.
Or something.
But out of nothing would be terrible
This may be a harsh thing to say but to me (outside of a very small few situations) suicide is one of the most selfish thing to do.
You bring all of your own internal pain (that has a chance to get better if the right help is found) and to instead impart it on everyone else in a form that is unhealable because what was done can never be taken back.
And this will affect parents probably more than anyone else but it will also affect everyone who was even remotely involved with you. Your memory will always be pain because of how it ended.
I have grieved for “normal” deaths for decades. Grief never goes away, it just goes in the background. I hope I never have to feel the grief of someone close to me committing because I’d be a constant wreck.
Talk to someone close to you, please. And if you feel there’s no one close to you, the distance is relative and skewed inside of you. There will be someone who would do anything to help you, sadly sometimes it might end up being someone you’ve yet to meet.
Are you expecting a spectrum of answers to this question? A couple of “fucking awesome”s among the obvious “awful”s?
More like asking the internet because this feels like it’s inappropriate to ask to my mother.
deleted by creator
