I have my own personal thoughts on this, so take this how you will.
Think about times where you have been angry at how people miss handled situations with you and try not to put others in the same boat if you ever find yourself in a flipped position.
Putting yourself in another person’s shoes also helps. If somebody is doing something that you don’t agree with but you might do if you were in the same situation as them, then you should probably cut them some slack or at least respond proportionately.
A really big one was a lot of people is stress and having trouble dealing with their own problems. A lot of the time people will act much harsher and disregard others when they have tunnel vision from their own issues. Being aware of your own current mindset can be helpful for realizing that you might need to take a step back and breathe before committing an action or saying something that you might not mean later.
It all basically comes down to the Golden rule and being aware that other people exist and have their own problems and perspectives.
Put a toy inside of yourself.
A vibrating toy preferably
Sadly, we’re not allowed to do that in the US
I’m telling you, this works. Each day, pause to think of three things for which you are grateful. It can be big or small. Examples that I’ve used: that I got to spend the evening with a close friend who has a typically busy schedule, that I slept especially well the night before, that the book I was reading turned out to be a good one, etc.
Sometimes it’s something profound about how someone positively mentored me when I was younger. Or small stuff like knowing that there’s a piece of cheesecake waiting for me in the fridge. The point is to do it every day. It’s kinda awkward getting going, but then it becomes second nature and they come to mind effortlessly. I am convinced that it’s made me a calmer, nicer, more understanding person.
Im not sure if this will make you kinder but I find many many people skip very easy oportunities to make a small improvement in the world. These things are miniscule but they are things everyone can do all the time. Grab a cart from the lot if you pass one by that is not in a choral as you go to the store. Pick up litter that you pass by and toss or recycle it. I live in a condo complex and if my neighbor have packages that are easy enough to carry I bring them up and put it near their door and they actually now do the same for me. Not only a great convenience for us both but a great little human interaction for us both that makes us closer neighbors. Hold a door for someone, offer a seat on a train. Just keep in mind if you have an oportunity to do something that is scarcly and inconvenience for you but makes the world a better place. I would add smile when you see people. Be nice whenever you can and even return rudeness or such with strangers with kindness. You don’t have to deal with their stuff every day so its easier to be pleasant and move on.
Realize that we’re only alive because of the sun. If it could, it would laugh at us for fighting each other.
While searching for the laughing Teletubbies sun for response, I found something else, which makes me giggle and needed to be shared:
Pick up litter and dispose of it properly.
Leave a solid 1.5 to 2 car lengths between you and the vehicle in front of you while on the highway. When someone wants to merge into that space, let them and recreate the separation. It’s a kindness not just to those who merge into the space, but to all drivers as it makes travel for everyone safer and lower stress.
1.5 to 2 car lengths
on the highway.
You call that leaving a gap? Going that close would be regarded as severe aggression on our Autobahn. Even punishable in many cases.
Sadly, it’s extremely common practice for folks to leave far less than even 1 car length even traveling at 60 or 70 mph. :(
I see now why it is that easy for the so-called self driving cars to produce (seemingly) good statistics.
it should be 1 car length per 10mph of speed. 2 car lengths isn’t enough at highway speeds, it should be several, because as speeds increase your reaction time shortens and so does the force of impact
I was taught the 3 second rule. If you drive 3 seconds behind, the space will adjust to the speed.
You’re not wrong and good luck getting anyone to do that. Can you imagine how much easier/nicer/more efficent travel would be if people would do this?
Leaving gaps also prevents having to slow down or stop as often and reduces traffic congestion overall.
Be kind to service workers.
Patience, thank yous, and trying to understand how to make their job easier (e.g. not waiting to look at the fast food menu until you’re at the front).
Short, low stakes practice.
Also if they are struggling to figure out something(scanner not working, getting weird error due to network connection issues, trying to find an obscure option you requested etc) be quiet and let them work. Don’t try to make small talk, let them concentrate on what they are doing.
say thank you, please, and etc. basic manners and courtesy to others.
It blows my mind that almost nobody does this anymore. I go to like coffee shops and stores and etc every other day, and basically nobody says this to sales people anymore. It’s insane to me how objectively rude so many people are to other people who are helping them.
it’s so bad that it’s gotten to the point i’ve had people tell me i’m wrong for saying these things to service people. becase ‘it’s their job you shouldn’t have to thank them’ etc.
On a first date, someone said I was so incredibly polite. I was like, all I do is say please and thank you because my mother taught me it’s the right thing to do. She was responding to my placing an order at a coffee shop.
Ok I think people are not a bad person for not saying it but how does one even conceive that these words could be negative? Do the people who say this have some kind of superiority complex or are they trying to live out their dom fetish or something?
I have never heard any worker from the service industry ever say they wanna hear less kind words. The fuck.
Superiority complex. “Why should I thank the lesser people for just doing what they’re told?”
Cheapens the phrase if you use it all the time
Cheapens the phrase if you use it all the time
“Welcome to Costco. . .I love you.”
“Welcome to Cotstco. . .I love you. . .”
Yeah if you say the exact same phrase to the same people. But if you’re genuinely kind you adapt to the moment and then you stop sounding like a robot.
And also this doesn’t apply to service workers who I will probably come across a handful of times only. And to them it’s probably more of an offset to the shitty experiences they had that day.
TL;DR theoretically yes, practically no.
I agree, just giving an example of why someone might not want to say thanks all the time. I save it for when they actually look at me
Not if you say it in earnest.
Thanks
You’re welcome
I tell folks, “Be safe.”
Doesn’t sound like much, but a lot of folks I say that too change their attitude to me if it’s poor. They see I care about them enough to want them to be safe.
Also asking everyone at drive thru before I take my order. “How are you doin’ today?” Bonus points when they reply and ask how I am. I’ll say “I’m alive n kickin’.” Which if they say “that’s good.” Or something I reply “that’s what they tell me, but I think they’re lying.”
I have gotten so many laughs out of it. Folks just not excepting me to say it.
And just being nice to anyone. Giving em the goddamn time of day.
Offer blowjobs without asking anything in return.
Be gentle with yourself. For example if you make an error, withhold calling yourself stupid, or think it. Reassure yourself that errors happen, and learn from it.
One time I called myself stupid in front of a friend who without missing a beat said “don’t say that about my friend!” in a super offended voice and I think about that all the time.
That friend sounds cool.
This is so hard. I am doing all the other stuff regularly but this one will always be my nemesis.
It’s like a muscle, it gets better with practice.
I have underlying issues that force me to sacrifice my mental health just to survive, and thus I lack the safety margin to be gentle to myself.
I wanna get to a point where I can practice kindness on myself but I am not in a position where I can do so at this point.
I’ve been there before, I totally understand. Stay safe.
Daily metta practice can be helpful.
Give genuine compliments to random people every time you can.
If you’re asking, then you’re probably on the way already. Mindfulness of the way other people feel (also known as empathy) is a massive part of being kind to other people.
Simply live life knowing that everyone is their own person with an equally complex life as your’s and treat them as you would like to be treated.
