I want incredibly mundane insults like “you look like you have a terrible handshake.”
Two more I’ve heard over the years:
‘You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you’re wasting’
And:
‘Your head is really just a place to store your teeth isn’t it?
A similar one to the plant is “somewhere in the world there’s a tree working hard to create the oxygen you just wasted, you should find it and apologize”
Oh I’m stealing this one.
There’s a german saying: “You just need your head so it doesnt rain into your throat”
Yes! This is exactly what I wanted!
I was playing TF2 the other day and someone senta message in chat that was just a link to a state unemployement benefits page lmao.
I love TF2 but haven’t played it for a while. Is it still holding up? I heard there are a lot of bots now :/
Valve finally got off of their ass last year and fixed a ton of crap and pretty much banned all of them. Haven’t seen any since.
They also open sourced the SDK so most of the updates include a ton of community bug fixes
That’s good news! I should install it back.
Awesome!
My absolute favorite…
You’re not pretty enough to be that dumb
I once said stop acting like you’re beautiful
Oh hon,
You’re not pretty enough to have that type of personality
You’re not good looking enough to be that much of a narcissist.
Not sure if this qualifies but I always liked the countryness of “so stupid they couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel”.
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel
The Monty Python French taunters classic is a scathing insult and noone gets it. Break down the line:
“Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries”
Firstly, they are calling your mother a fast-breeding rodent, ergo, your mother is a whore, that one is simple. Second, why would your father smell of elderberries? What was it used for at the time? Wine, but better wine would be made from grapes from France or southern England, implying your father was was not just a drunk, but a cheap drunk.
Its one of the most insulting lines ever uttered on film and it has so many layers, which is why that movie is hillarious.
I’m sure the Python loved it when their jokes were explained in excruciatingly boring detail
I fart in your general direction.
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Fetchez la vache!
Ni!
At the renaissance festival today there was a shirt with the horsey chess piece and a bub le caption “ni”. Almost came home with me.
Isn’t the elderberries thing actually just about the smell? Based on what I read, elderberry flowers begin to develop a strong musky and/or cheesy aroma, so it would be akin to saying that your father doesn’t wash himself.
Also, your mum is really hairy
Cheap drunk? Do you have any idea how much it costed to ship goods back then overland? To ship wine no less, which is bulky in the vast quantities our ancestors drank it.
People made alcohol with what they had, every household made their own usually, they didn’t buy it. That’s why the north drank beer and ale, and the south wine. That’s why so many apple trees were planted in the north as well, the only other northern fruit (idk about elderberries,) that has enough sugar to ferment to an appreciable degree, (it’s less than grapes, I think 5% hard cider is about average, or at least mine was that.
Furthermore, I bet I like the taste and smell of elderberries, they don’t grow here that I’m aware. So I don’t agree it’s a good insult, but thank for describing it, because I always thought that was an odd one.
Swallows could have carried the elderberries
A swallow couldn’t carry elderberries to north america, it’s a question of direction, why would they fly west, into the wind when they migrate south?
They were shouting it at king arthur (the taunters clearly knew who he was, he was introduced as such), I think his parents could afford the costs to get what ever shipments they wanted, be them from France… Or [shudders for comedic effect] Scottland.
You are correct in that people used what they had, and that is entierly the joke. Wine made from elderberries was much more common up north where imports were not something people had… Unless they were of nobility.
This is both historically inaccurate and you typed out “costed” like it was a real word.
“I bet we’ll see you on the news someday.”
I’ve always been partial to:
“You’re at the top of the bell curve!”
Because it sounds like a compliment, gets taken as an insult, but really you’re just calling them average.
It’s a whole different level of demoralizing when they finally figure it out.
It depends which top you mean. Top as in left-right or up-down, can get interpreted differently
I feep like bell curves are pretty consistent left to right, top being the apex. Maybe some fields do it differently.
If it isn’t tall in the middle and sloped on both sides it would be a line graph because it would not be bell shaped.
One I saw on Lemmy and remembered was “You have nothing but potential”
“Anyone ever tell you that you’ve done a great job lately?”
“No” (This one requires a no answer)
“Think about that, then.”
If they say yes you can then continue with “I meant besides yourself”
What if they just say “thank you”
I didn’t say you’ve done a great job.
Two I like from history:
A lady called Winston Churchill drunk. Churchill replied: “Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. I shall be sober in the morning.”
Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand, when asked about the migration of NZers to Australia replied “Well, it raises the IQ of both countries.”
I shall be sober in the morning.
Highly doubt lmao
That dude had a mission to be constantly buzzed.
Scotch for breakfast, champagne for lunch, don’t even talk about dinner…
For a few minutes, anyway…
For about five minutes as he slowly shambles his enormous body out of bed
“The young gentleman is an excellent ration powered space heater.”
Heard this back in basic for a young officer cadet who was absolutely useless aside from the fact that they were capable of heating up a ten person tent via their normal body heat.
I’d try to explain it slower but I don’t believe speed is the problem
A few I’ve acquired over the years.
- “At this point, you can only impress me.”
- “My opinion of you can only go up from here”
- “The bar was on the ground and you brought a shovel.”
- Unencumbered by the thought process.
- “You’re the reason we have warning labels.”
- “They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place.”
- “It’s impossible to underestimate you.”
- “If you were half as smart as you think you are, you’d be twice as smart as you really are.”
- “If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid.”
- “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
- “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln
- “May I ask what’s on your mind, if you’ll forgive the overstatement?”
- “You could hide your own Easter eggs.”
- “I can explain it again, if you’d like, but I can’t understand for you.”
- “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.”
- “I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong”
Heard a new one related to men dating women way too young for them: “Those old men walkin’ around with embryos”
From a goodwill cashier
ITT: A bunch of exotic insults that make people look like redditors
“A face for radio” is a classic
“This is why people talk about you”
