As the event concluded, President Trump signed an executive order directing the military to purchase electricity from coal-fired power plants,

Ah, so just a normal bribe then.

And he’ll never consider why its undisputed

Made out of … coal or gold

Usually bad kids get a lump of coal. He’s so terrible he got a champion of coal award.

The FIFA Greenpeace Award.

Guy loves participation trophies.

From Santa

Wish he’d fall down a mine shaft.

Having unredacted close captions of Trump manages to make my head hurt even more than listening to him somehow. This guy’s magical.

That’s nice for him. He does love being given awards. Even when it’s an award that someone else won.