This guy lived for 38 years, converting to somewhere between around 13,870 - 14,234 days. (I’m not doing leap years, you can’t make me)
Sure, the masturbation stats are impressive and even the sex stats are not half bad but this guy pooped 14,234 times, truly he was regular as fuck. Maybe that was his secret.
All useless stats. I want to know my rank in those categories. Or maybe percentile. Maybe that’s my boomer toxic trait, but I want to know how I stack up.
First story in David Eaglemans book Sum is about this and goes a bit more into details with a fun twist: https://annas-archive.org/md5/78ce796e77c9b0bd0b4f1fabae08ca35
Oh those pesky girlfreinds: neither a friend nor a fiend.
38*365=13870
856346/13870=61.74
This guy masturbated 62 times per day if we assume that he is capable to jerk when a toddler. If we assume he starts jorking it from 12, then this rate goes to 90.23 faps per day
He is the king of gooners
Maybe Deaths definition of a fap is 100 strokes. You know, as a way to differentiate between a 10 hour gooning session, and a 5 minute sleep-fap.
At some point there ceases to be skin on the hog and you’re just rubbing blood.
Truly the most committed of our time.
And he still managed to sleep over 9 hours per day and walk over 14.7km (9.15mi) per day on average
He mastered the art of sleep’batin’ and walk’batin’, making him able to achieve such high numbers.
Some say he could never get off unless sleeping or walking.
Truly a sleepwalk’bater
He basically sleep walked while masturbating. Never heard of multitasking?
Rookie numbers.
I guess with that much masturbation, I can see how he died at 38.
Ripped his dick smoove off
Guess I’ll get my affairs in order.
I would be interested to see the total percentage of time I have spent in virtual worlds vs waking life.
I was recently thinking that if I died and went to hell, the greatest torture that could be inflicted on me would be to show me how much productive time I wasted pulling the meat.
meat pulling is productive.
You typically produce something…
These are some wild stats. Why doesn’t he poop
Edit: I’m now remembering that comas and periods aren’t always used the way I’m used to
I was also thrown off by that.
I thought “damn died after only 1.5 rounds of sex. That’s rough buddy!”
Also curious about what constitutes 3.4 kisses. Lol
145L of booze? Rookie numbers.
I’m assuming that’s like pure alcohol (as alcohol related stats usually are to negate the difference in drinks), so if he only drank beer of around 5% he would have drank 8700 beers. Say he started drinking alcohol at the age of 16 that averages out to somewhere between 7 and 8 beers a week (or the wine/booze equivalent). While not exactly alcoholic levels, this is above average (depending on where he lived) and an unhealthy amount.
They drank themselves to death on the first go. It’s the only explanation.
Yᴏᴜ Hᴀᴠᴇ Dɪᴇᴅ
Pʀᴇss Fɪʀᴇ Tᴏ Rᴇsᴘᴀᴡɴ
I don’t wanna. Where’s the power button?
deleted by creator
