My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
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What has five toes and is not your foot?
My foot!
That one should definitely get a groan out of her teacher!
From: plutopiaworld
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
I thought queue came from French
Originally, yes.
But in present usage Americans say “line” while Brits say “queue.”
I’m not sure about other Anglophone places.
There’s a few spellings I apparently have blind spot for. That is definitely one of them.
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.
A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”
Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”
I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.
I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.
First 3 should get a good reaction. The rest require context I’m more sure she’s picked up on properly yet.
I don’t get the Simpsons one
What’s brown and sticky?
My favourite joke, being the only one I can remember. Still gets a laugh!
Did you know that the US government keeps and provides access to a database of dad jokes on fatherhood.gov, one joke at a time?
You could also snag this full dad jokes database from kaggle which contains over 13k dad jokes.
Hope you both enjoy!
Ty
Leave it up to lemmy to provide the link for government approved dad jokes…
Liberals… always going back to the governments teet.
I agree. This is definitely an ideal context to talk about politics.
I like make my own jokes homegrown on the range using, cough, tax-subsidised water…
What is blue but doesn’t weigh very much? Light blue
So good
Where does the King keep his armies? In his sleevies!
One joke that both my kids loved at that age goes as follows:
There’s this farmer who sits with his dog on a horse-drawn cart. Suddenly, the horse turns its head and says “Beautiful weather, boss!”. Obviously, the farmer is stunned. Then the dog nudges him and says: “Huh that’s funny. That horse just talked.”.
I’ll definitely be teaching this one to her. Even if only to see how badly she garbles telling it back!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
You’re making a good owl!
My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
Knock knock.
Who’s There?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could Yodel!
do you have any holes in your socks?
no?
how’d you get your feet in there?
*adult looks accusingly at the kid*
*kid stares at his feet in cosmic bewilderment*
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
What do you call a fly with no legs? A walk
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea
shouldn’t that be a fly with no wings ?
Love the deer ones lol
Yes!! I said it wrong _’
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because they didn’t have chickens back then.
People who run in front of cars get tired.
People who run next to cars get winded.
People who run behind cars get exhausted.Men who walk sideways through a turnstile go to bangkok
People who ride a bicycle next to cars are too tired. People who ride old bicycles next to cars eating pennies are penny farting.
Is your refrigerator running? Yes? Better go catch it!
Wanna hear my favorite knock knock joke? Great!
You start…
Knock knock
Who’s there?
The Spanish Inquisition!
Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.
A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.
Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.
