Seriously, though…ugh. I have to post these now for both stress relief and to not have them be in my recent files when someone grabs my laptop to “look something up real quick” like they don’t have a damn smartphone.
Edit: Re-uploaded to add “aunt who is only nice because she’s sucking up to grandma for the inheritance” who just texted she’s coming.
I’ve been fortunate enough to keep my old consoles, so they get to use the only one I have more than two controllers for. Easy to clean, they like the games too.
Wait… Admiral Patrick? I thought you were gone, so happy to see you again posting!
Thanks!
I also host a large extended family most Thanksgivings. My method is that I do the complex cooking (I smoke a turkey, and one or more side dishes). After dinner I start making a stock with the turkey carcass (seriously, there is nothing better than turkey stock from smoked bones). The whole evening, I’m either doing cooking “things” (sometimes faking it), or cleaning dishes or tables or something. I’m always moving, but I’m not verbally interacting a ton. It works surprisingly well for me.
What wood for the turkey?
Always stay busy is great advice. Most of the family doesn’t care for turkey, so we usually have ham which isn’t as involved prep-wise. I used to be able to “hide” most of the day when we did turkey since I would be manning the outdoor fryer. I got to avoid most of the family drama that way. By the time I came in, everyone was in a good mood because the food was ready.
We used to rotate every year but somehow I ended up hosting the last 3. Thanksgiving is the one day a year I’m not a vegetarian, but if I get roped into this again next year I may do a vegetarian spread. 😂
Make a Seitan or Tofurky and they won’t want you to host again! Win Win!
(though I do admit seitan and tofu can be VERY delicious)
Make a Seitan or Tofurky and they won’t want you to host again! Win Win!
100% the plan, haha, and yeah, they are quite delicious.
You’ll properly call me a miracle worker if you try my turkey noodle soup I make the day after!
I’ve done smoked turkey a few times now, but my friend took over the carcass broth duties when we would host.
Then there’s my mom who doesn’t always get invited to stuff because she
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Has to force herself into everyone else’s business
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Tries to hijack every single conversation so she can talk about the 2 or 3 topics she only ever talks about, including that one ex-wife of an uncle who abandoned her whole family over 50 years ago but she still refers to as “aunt” despite every single other person in the family hating her. Or about how much money she spent on something.
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Only make backhanded compliments or otherwise rude comments, and doesn’t understand why everyone gets pissed at her for it. But if you so much as bounce back with 10% of she said, she gets pissy and wants to leave.
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Is the absolute pickiest eater imaginable. Everything is either too salty or too spicy, too cold or too hot, or outright says something is cheap and not homemade
The answer to #4 is “Well then you don’t have to have any” and tbh #3 sounds like a self-fixing problem and the solution to all 4.
She’s the kind of person who always orders a salad because she thinks all salads are inherently healthy. But if it’s iceberg lettuce she will spend 10 minutes picking out any pieces that have white in them, and if it’s spinach she complains if there are stems. And I’ve sat there and watched her very literally flip through every single piece of lettuce to eat everything except the lettuce. Yes, she orders a salad and eats everything except the lettuce.
Oh, I know this one. Only it was my grandmother, she was hosting, and she insisted on cooking everything. Sometimes, not well.
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It’s grandma’s house. She doesn’t know why she invites any of us.
Every year she secretly hopes she drops dead in front of everyone so it becomes their most vivid memory of family thanksgiving.
#bloblife
I host Thanksgiving, by that I mean I cook turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and then whatever else I want for me, my husband, and my twin. That’s it.
I do not go to mother’s or husband’s cousins. “Twin works Thanksgiving at a grocery store, I must give them a quiet Thanksgiving” works real well to convince people to not ask again.
Do you at least have cousin you smoke weed with in the back of his truck?
…I don’t know which character that would be. Maybe Morn?
Morn is definitely the drunk uncle who never shuts up
That one cousin who has spindles of burnt discs in his car.
“You want the movie that’s still in theaters? Just don’t tell anyone where you got it from.”
Was, anyway, back when that was the thing to do.
Lol, same.
I still have some of my spindles of discs in my basement.
I have one cool in-law, thank gods. Would probably be closer to Jadzia than Morn, though.
Jadzia would definitely notice that you were at the breaking point and make up a reason the two of you needed to go on a walk.
Patrick, there’s uh, something burning outside. I think you should take a look at it.
Thanks, Old Man!
