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In that moment you stop eating and stare them down, birds don’t like you staring at them because that’s predator behavior. And if the bastards try to lunge at you, you just swiftly try to grab them. In my experience you need only one grab attempt and they don’t dare to come close anymore. Also if you actually manage to yoink them, just throw them away lmao
Yeah, if you actually defend yourself they quickly back off. Same with goose that so many people are afraid of. Just grab them by the neck and yeet them away. If they don’t back off, grab them by the neck again and choke them.
And with roosters a firm (but not too strong) kick to the chest is enough. If that doesn’t work grab them and press them to the ground.
Can I shove their heads in my mouth? Maybe that will scare them.
But I don’t like making eye contact!!
and then wash your hands
No! Lick them slowly to assert dominance! Then die a few days later. To assert dominance.
Also lick your lips and show a little teeth. I have a friend who is into bird watching, and apparently the licking of lips is often enough to scare away birds that would otherwise have waited around a little bit longer.
just throw them away
If I get my hands on one of those things I’m not throwing it away before repeatedly smashing it as hard as I can against the most solid surface I can find in the vicinity. Or against another seagull, if possible.
That’s animal cruelty. If you don’t want to toss it, just eat it like any proper predator would
The stuff those things eat, they’re surely toxic as fuck. Plus, they’re parasites, animal cruelty shouldn’t apply to them. Exterminate them with extreme prejudice. Also, they’re birds. Should’ve gone extinct 65 million years ago with the rest of their ilk.
Wasn’t there the one time some guy got so annoyed at a seagull stealing his chips that he killed it by slamming it against a wall
I know that’s a serious scene, but I can’t stop giggling
“A dinosaur stole my fucking chips.”
“Your fucking chips?”
“Yes, the chips I use for fucking”
Me, after finding a cool stick with some heft to it:
“Any beasts want to tango with the apex predator and his tools of warfare?”
Humans are apex predators. You are one of the floaty chair people in wall-e
Just because you belong to the apex predator species doesn’t mean you are one.
“Humans are capable of endurance running for hours”
Speak for yourself, I’m not gonna try.
I’d argue humans aren’t even an apex predator, we kind of just tricked other animals into letting us eat them
And even then, tricking plants into letting us eat them is the reason we’re able to trick other animals into letting us eat them in the first place. We’re just tricky little fellas
If we’re not an apex predator species, where is all the megafauna?
Well, we also make a lot of tools designed specifically for killing, so we’re overall pretty dangerous. But in this case, dude just needs to not be afraid to punch a seagull.
Shouldnt ave touched me chip, simple as.
We simply tricked the world into doing work for us
Waddle, my ass, they swoop down arobatically and gank your shit without ever slowing down.
Your badge! Show him your badge!
Now that’s a joke I haven’t told in a while. Gotta bring it out of retirement now.
Shouldn’t pinch an apex predator’s chip, simple as
Submitted images don’t need to be square, y’know?
“If it’s black fight back, if it’s brown flush it down, if it’s white beg for your life.”
You’re not wrong to be worried.
…if it’s white
beg for your liferun away!
How in the world do you flush a grizzly bear down a toilet?
“You’re flushing ten times, maybe fifteen times.”
Lmao. I bet you know what that link is without clicking it.
EDIT: Shit. Preview defeated the joke.
Before I got to the seagull, I thought this was going to be about hyperfragile purveyors of toxic masculinity 😁
Don’t repeat it to yourself, go tell the seagull!
Birds are pretty bad ass. Super-fast reflexes, flight. We can hardly catch them without tools.
Humans are definitely not apex predators
Humans with the tools we had twenty thousand years ago could kill any land animal
We fucking tame apex predators.
