• MissJinx@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    Envious men please remember vaginas do have an ending. Don’t trust hentai, your penis will NOT come out of our mouths

    • Rivalarrival@lemmy.today
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      2 hours ago

      UBlock origin will let you do this. Come back to this comment in a couple minutes…

      Edit: Add something like this to your uBlock Origin custom filters. (The sites I included are all paywalls, but you can substitute your own)

      feddit.org.##.title:has-text(/theintercept.com|economist.com|military.com|wired.com|theverge.com|theglobeandmail.com|404media.co|nytimes.com|vox.com|washingtonpost.com|theatlantic.com/)

      This will turn something like this:

      into something like this:

      (The “Anker’s Sound” post has had its link and headline hidden)

      Reddit Enhancement Suite had FilteReddit, which had more fine grained controls to block posts linking to specific sites. I’ve been looking for a Lemmy equivalent, but UO is the best I’ve found so far.

  • NutWrench@lemmy.ml
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    1 day ago

    “I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

    You did NOT slip on your penis.

    • Votes@sh.itjust.works
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      7 hours ago

      He didn’t, he said he slipped on shampoo that he couldn’t see since his penis was obscuring his vision.

      • Dasus@lemmy.world
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        2 hours ago

        That’s a lame excuse. I’m pretty sure my two legs are larger than his penis and I don’t consider my vision obscured by them.

        Was he slapping himself in the face or why was it so obscuring his vision?

        A better title would be “man so mesmerised by having a large dick, he can’t look away from it even when in slippery spaces”

    • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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      19 hours ago

      Were you there to see Matt, 41, owner of the world’s largest penis, slip?

      (Also he very clearly says he slipped on some shower gel, not his penis)

  • cjoll4@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

    “Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

    Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren’t looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

    🙄

  • Wispy2891@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    Unrelated but this newspaper says:

    Join our WhatsApp! Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners

    There’s people that are actually saying “hell yes! Send me ads on WhatsApp, here’s my phone number!” ???

  • steal_your_face@lemmy.ml
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    1 day ago

    Medically verified by who? Seems like the only source of his claims is himself, kinda sus tbh. Might be a fake story.

  • celeste@kbin.earth
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    2 days ago

    this guy gets a burn cooking and he’s like “must’ve been because of my enormous penis” trips on the stairs “dick got caught in the spindles it’s so big” gets sleep apnea “my giant schlong wraps itself around my throat when I’m sleeping”

    • Bunbury@feddit.nl
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      1 day ago

      I mean, to be fair… it must be pretty annoying. Chances are he’s not compatible size wise with 99.99% of women. Probably even jerking off is a massive workout. Probably gets lightheaded each time it fills with blood. Seriously… when you’re this far out of the normal range I recon attention is the main positive thing that comes out of the situation (at least for people who like attention). Everything else just seems needlessly difficult.

        • Bunbury@feddit.nl
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          2 hours ago

          I mean, yes there are other ways to be intimate with each other than penetration. However as far as I can tell a lot of men are very attached to the idea of penetration when it comes to sex. I would assume it would feel quite debilitating not to have the option when you really want to have the option. Then again what do I know. I am missing the necessary parts to know what any of that feels like from the male side.

          • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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            1 hour ago

            Yeah sure. Just find an open-minded man, and give him a prostate massage. And before you know it, he will be whimpering like a bitch. So so many ways. It’s a culture issue.

      • burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de
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        5 hours ago

        Probably gets lightheaded each time it fills with blood.

        There was an interview with someone who has a record sized penis, and one of the funniest yet saddest moments was him and his wife talking about how she has to be careful and ‘manage’ his erection during sexual activities so he wouldn’t pass out.

        I think I would go get a medical license of some kind and solicit blood donations from friends just so I could pump my blood pressure up to avoid that.

        • Bunbury@feddit.nl
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          3 hours ago

          Yeah, I might have seen the same interview. I just didn’t want to put the relevant words into a search engine to figure out specifically what I was vaguely remembering.

  • JackLSauce@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    …independently measured at [37cm], and a cast of it has been included in a museum in Iceland.

    I have questions for Iceland; mostly about how to pronounce ð but we’ll get to that later

  • JamesNZ@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    Summary of the article. " By the way I have a massive cock, it is just huge, biggest in the world. Did I say about my massive unit? It is really big…oh I slipped in the shower and broke my arm,…but let’s get back to the massive third leg I have going on. ,"

  • MrSulu@lemmy.ml
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    2 days ago

    The world is full of men that can’t see their own feet in the shower!

  • AmidFuror@fedia.io
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    2 days ago

    Funny story, but the size of my penis is why my balls always get wet when I pee.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    Ok that is the most ridiculous explanation I have ever heard. Do you have to see your feet to know where they are? And how do large busted or pregnant women manage then?

    Oof it must suck to be hung that big though. No balls deep in anyone, ever, and careful sex only.

    • T156@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      Do people even focus on their body parts that much on the day-to-day? It seems like something that you wouldn’t think about usually.

      • RBWells@lemmy.world
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        1 day ago

        I have been pregnant but don’t remember falling down because I couldn’t see my feet! I do remember my belly knocking into doorways when I miscalculated though, since it keeps growing.

        • TisI@reddthat.com
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          1 day ago

          Oh don’t get me wrong. His excuse is absurd! Because you can move your feet in the shower if something is obstructing your view. My point was that yes having a body part that prevents you from seeing immediately below it can be a nuisance.

          • RBWells@lemmy.world
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            1 day ago

            Well until the baby comes out, lol. The things I remember trying that were much harder with the constantly shifting weight distribution were roller skating and cartwheels. Bigger and bigger till the baby punches its way out of your abdomen (since in sex ed they probably didn’t cover that part either).

            But seriously, if women can handle that constant change in weight distribution, I am sure a guy with a massive schlong can handle having it without falling over. Unless it has a mind of its own and gets tangled around his legs or something.